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| Transcript: Pretty Woman |
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Transcript Page 1*Dawson's room, a show that looks like it's on the Discovery Channel is on*Joey: Ew what are you watching? Dawson: A special on intelliogical (??) sexual behavior. A visual aide for my biology term paper. *Dawson turns his attention to the tv* Dawson: Well how does she know who she's attracted to? They all look the same. Joey: Dawson, they're unlike people. Dawson: You mean people don't find mates by instincts? Joey: Meaning, that the people go by whatever supermodel the media decides to be this week's perfect specimen. Dawson: Mmmm I beg to differ. I don't need Entertainment Tonight to tell me Drew Barrymore is hot. Joey: 20th century men are conditioned to worship women who are nutritionally deprived heroin addicts. In the Renaissance they liked women who were husky, and in some cultures they like women with bones in their noses and plates in their mouths. It's just the way it goes Dawson. Dawson: You're reaching. Ya know maybe there is some truth in what you're saying but you can't tell me that pure animal instinct doesn't have something to do with what kind of guy you're attracted to. Right? Joey: I haven't the slightest idea Dawson. *Dawson's Creek theme* *In the cafe where Joey works* Pacey: So your mom's judging for the Windjammer Days? Dawson: Yeah they're going to let me cover it for the station. Jen: Well so what are these Windjammer Days? Dawson: It's this yearly event the yacht club holds. A little pageant. They're trying to reel in the last remaining choices the town should style for the season. Joey: It's a blue-blooded tradition that celebrates the grand achievment of being born rich. A culmination of which is an assinine formal dinner held at the yacht club where some young vile who's daddy owns the bank is crowned Miss Windjammer. It's the most archaic (?) display of ageism, racism, and sexism known to man. Pacey: Do they have a swimsuit competition? Dawson: I don't think so. Pacey: Ya know maybe I could be one of those guys who warms up the girls before they go on stage. Joey: It's not a porno Pacey. Jen: You know my mother use to enter me in these disgusting Little Miss pageants before I was old enough to protest. Dawson: Oh let me guess you twirled a baton. Jen: Meaning? Dawson: Nothing. You should enter. Jen: Yeah... Dawson: No I mean seriously. I mean, you're beautiful, nobody can dispute that. I can totally picture you strolling past the judges flashing that million dollar smile of yours. *Joey walks off disappointed* Jen: Well, I'm afraid my baton-twirling days are over. Dawson: Well first prize is $5,000 and a trip to New York. Jen: Why don't you enter Dawson? I'm sure you have some inspiring ideas on how to achieve world peace. Dawson: World peace is easy. It's the tap dance and pumps I have trouble with. Jen: It's a skill. *Jen walks away* Pacey: Back-handed insults disguised as compliments. It's kind of a novel approach to winning back a woman's affections. Dawson: Well, I figured I'd give it a shot I've tried everything else. Pacey: Why don't you just get over it, man? She has. Dawson: Well, I think I have gotten over it I just, I don't know, winning her back has dissolved into some sort of bizarre hobby. *Jen walks over to where Joey is* Jen: Slow, huh? Joey: As a tourist goes, so do the tips. Jen: That bad? Joey: Let me put it this way. Higher education for me will be no farther away than Capeside Community Vocational Institute. Jen: You're smart you can get a scholarship. Joey: Yeah but I can't bank on a full one. Jen: Look Joey. Now that the proverbial wedge, recently referred to as Dawson Leery, is no longer between us, we could actually be friends. I know, I know, it's a bizarre concept, but we may find we have something more in common than just the boy next door. *Joey gives her a look* Jen: Okay. Or not. *Jen starts walking away, and Joey is thinking* Joey: We don't have to like wash each other's hair or do each other's nails do we? *Jen smiles.* *CUT TO: Inside the school* Dawson: Pacey! Pacey: I can't find my pen. Dawson: You okay? Pacey: Yeah I just spent the entire morning with my dad telling me what a scholastically inept, atheletically challenged, underachieving loser I am. I'm fine! Dawson: He said that? Pacey: Yeah, first he starts in on the failing biology thing and then he goes straight into the skipping school to do Providence thing. Dawson: What about the stealing his car thing? Pacey: I prefer to call it borrowing. It's not like I killed anybody. Alright? And if I have to hear the words, "Why can't you be more like your brother Doug" one more time, my head is going to explode. Dawson: Well you're more than welcome to crash at my house for a few days. Pacey: Thanks but I was thinking of something a little more permanent. Dawson: Pacey forget about it your father is never going to let you move out of his house. Pacey: Actually he told me as soon as I want to become an emancipated minor to just show him where to sign. Check this out. Personal ads, $250 a month. Dawson: That's Mill Street. Capeside's only official tenement. Pacey: Well it beats the Whitter family house horrors, doesn't it? Dawson: How are you going to pay for this roach-infested bachelor party? Pacey: Well that's the problem isn't it? With my video store wage I can't even afford a two-man tent. You don't need an assistant for that beauty pageant thing, do you? Dawson: I'm not even getting paid. The only person making any money off this is Little Miss Windjammer herself. Pacey: Maybe I'll just toss my TR (?) into the rink. You know a $5,000 dollar reward....that would get me into one of those executive bachelor pads downtown. Dawson: Yeah, well, I'm afraid you're God given ability to relieve yourself standing up is (I completely missed this phrase here I can't understand Dawson). Pacey: Once again, sexual discrimination rears it's ugly head. But wouldn't that just piss my dad off. *Joey and Jen in the cafeteria* Jen: You know Joey, you're one of the prettiest girls in the school. I don't get it, how come everytime I give you a complement you look at me like I'm trying to hit on you? Joey: I don't know. I guess it just sorta makes me feel a little uncomfortable, that's all. Jen: Why? Joey: I know I'm not pretty. Stop it. Jen: You know it's funny Joey but when I was dating Dawson I was petrified that anyday he'd take the blinders off and realize how gorgeous you are. Joey: Yeah right. When guys look at you they think, "Wow. What a babe." When they look at me they think, "Hm gee she's really tall." Jen: You know I think you should enter the Miss Winjammer pageant. Joey: What drugs are you on? Jen: No, c'mon I'm serious. Listen I'll coach you. You could easily take that evening gown competition, and scholastic and academic part, that would be a slam dunk for you Joey. Joey: Let's not go overboard on this let's-be-friends-female-bonding thing, okay Jen? Jen: Joey, c'mon you might actually find that we have fun together. Joey: I wouldn't degrade myself. Jen: One night of your life, $5,000 Joey. I'd say that's a pretty respectable college nestegg don't you think? *CUT TO: Later that day at the yacht club. Joey and Jen are walking.* Jen: C'mon Miss America. Joey: Why do I feel like I'm about to send the Woman's Movement back 20 years? Jen: Well, if I were you I'd start filling out those Ivy League applications, the competition does not look like much. *CUT TO: Pacey* Pacey: This is unconstitutional. Lady: I assure you Mr. Whitter, there is nothing in the constitution that says that you have the right to enter this pageant. Pacey: Yeah and there's nothing in your rulebook that says I can't! Huh? Take a look. Lady: This is the MISS Windjammer contest. Dawson: Jen! Joey! Wait up. So what are you to doing here? Jen: Are you kidding me? Pacey is going to enter the Miss Windjammer pageant? Dawson: Why not? Last year Ashley Elliot successfully sued to join the boy's football team. I think it's one of the more intrepid things that Pacey has ever done. He pulled the gender gap wide open. Jen: Well, I guess we all know what's in it for you. Dan Rather. Dawson: Tell me about it. All I normally get is a little mention on the 11 o' clock news. Now I actually have a shot at a feature story. So I see you decided to enter after all. Jen: No, no I'm, I'm just here to coach. Dawson: Who are you coaching? Jen: *motions to Joey* Look, uh, I'll see you guys later. Okay? I'm going to go watch Pacey make an ass out of himself. Dawson: Very funny. Is this some kind of expose for the paper? Get out! Joey Potter entering a beauty pageant? This is classic. Joey: Oh, I see. You think I'm such a barking car chaser that a D student with a Julius Caesar haircut has a better shot than me? Thanks a lot. Dawson: Joey, no. I know how you feel about these things. This is so not you. Why didn't you tell me? Joey: Because I knew you'd make me feel like an even bigger idiot than I already am. And believe me Dawson nobody's laughing harder at this than I am. But unfortuneatly the opportunity to win $5,000 no matter how slim or humiliating or ludicrous my chances are, ya know money has to take precedence over everything. Winning my prize does(?). Dawson: Joey, I didn't know you were serious about this. I mean, you kind of caught me by surprise. Joey: You know I'm glad you find my pathetic life so amusing Dawson. Dawson: Joey, c'mon you're my best friend I'd never laugh at you. Joey: You just did Dawson. *Commercials. CUT TO: Yacht club* Pacey: Well if it isn't Hannah Von Wining (?) of the Barl Harbor Von Winings. Hannah: Pacey Whitter. Let me guess. You're here washing dishes for the remedial work study program for Capeside's underpriveledged youth. Pacey: Oh that's so compassionate of you Hannah. So how's the Swiss boarding school. Hannah: It's in Connecticut you moron. Wait, you're the guy entering this contest? Figures. Class clown of Capeside High. You know I never figured you as a pre-opt transexual but now that I think about it evening gown, high heels. Pacey: I assure you that my sexuality is intact, okay? I'm not the one taking group showers at an all girls school. But given the opportunity... Lady: Welcome ladies! Pacey: *raises hand* Uh. Lady: And gentlemen. I'd like to welcome you all to the orientation for the 35th annual Miss Windjammer pageant. The rules for the pageant are listed clearly in your handbook which will be completely revised next year. The Miss Winjammer pageant also... Hannah: So Pacey...what are you going to do for the talent competition? Recite the alphabet? Jack a car? Pacey: You know ladies, I say we vote Hannah Miss Congeniality, what do you say? Hannah: You are such a bafoon. *CUT TO: Joey at Jen's house. Joey is walking with a book on her head.* Jen: Joey walking in heels is probably the hardest part. Don't worry you're doing great. *Book falls off. Joey is frustrated and sits down.* Joey: Why are you doing this? Jen: Well, poise and grace is really important to the judges and considering your height Joey: No, I mean...what's in it for you? I mean, the fact that I've been a first class bitch to you since the day you got here is pretty much public knowledge. Jen: In New York I didn't exactly hang out with a lot of other girls. OKay? I mean I've never even had close girlfriends. And as far as I can tell, neither have you. I don't know, don't you ever feel like you're missing out on something. Joey: Well, why don't you just go hang out with the Capeside peps club. I mean, associating with me won't exactly send your popularity points soaring up the social Richter scale. Jen: The same reason you don't, alright? They're a bunch of mentally arrested airheads. You know your perception of me is almost as misguided as your perception of yourself. Well, we're going to have to work on your self-esteem issue but first, back to the basics, come on.
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Index